Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Remember This.


Its Wednesday. There’s a final looming. Maybe I’ve had too much wine.

Whatever the reason, I am feeling particularly nostalgic.

I’ve been so stressed lately. Saying yes to a million people’s insane requests (remind me never to dog sit ever again), trying to make my parents proud, trying to prove to myself I really do deserve to be in med school. Frankly its exhausting and I can give no more of my heart and soul over to the endeavor of becoming a doctor than I already am.

Tonight, against my better judgment I put down the books. I spent the evening eating candy and singing and dancing around my kitchen to One Direction songs with friends. We played the music so loud, I swear Paul and Quinn and their eccentric landlord Milton must have heard us.

Part of me feels guilty. But there’s also a part that wishes the night would never end. Let’s be real--I’m not going to remember what was on the renal final. And chances are neither are you.

But I’ll remember my friends hanging out with me when I was feeling lonely.

Friends don’t mind if your room, hair and/or life is kind of a mess. They just want to lift you up in the most beautiful and vulnerable way. It’s a love that I need reminding of often.


Friendship is a fierce love, a brave love, a freely given love. Having no siblings of my own, my friends have become my family. And truly I would be lost without them. I mean--who else would make me a Tinder account?

When I accepted my admission to medical school, I did so whole-heartedly. I committed to medical school—mind, body and bank account. I also offered up the last years of my 20’s to the medical school gods. But with our sacrifice comes reward.

Its not the tropical vacation you see your friends with real jobs taking. Its not owning your dream home or buying a flashy sports car. The fruits of our labor are more subtle. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

I know we have a test. Don’t F-ing remind me. But I will not deny myself the shining and rare moments that medical school offers us. Remember that time that everyone passed the anatomy practical? I think we did that twice, no? I’ve never slept better than that night.

We’re on this crazy ride together. 

Having just spent 2 hours listening to 3rd years talk about 3rd year has filled me with both panic and dread. But has also reminded me that medical school goes by pretty fast. Which got me thinking—life goes by pretty fast.

When I’m an old woman, I will look back and remember the time I spent with you—not what the quiz questions were.

So while you’re studying this weekend—remember—the work never ends, but medical school does.  

Sweet dreams friend. 



5 comments:

  1. I'm not sure why, but this post made me tear up a little. Maybe it's because I inhaled what would've been a tasty dinner several hours ago, had I taken the time to enjoy it, and have been holed up in my room since then to study for my midterm. At the same time, I had been cursing to myself, wondering why I squandered valuable study time a couple of weeks ago to go skiing with my high school friends and their kids or why I went to Concord last week to be with my family when I REALLY should have been hitting the books.

    But you're absolutely right. Life goes by fast. This knowledge that I am cramming into my brain is something I wont remember, not after just a few nights of studying anyway. But that one time I went up to Tahoe and stayed in a HGTV-esque condo with my buddies, where we cooked meals together and skied together and drove for hours together, I will never forget. Or that one time I went to my grandma's and discovered that my fake cries failed to garner sympathy from my cousins' puppy while their cries did, which my mom found to be hilarious and laughed her ass off as a result, I wont forget that either. Thanks for the perspective.

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  2. A much-needed reminder of what is really important in life :). Love your blog, you are such a good writer! I am an MS3 at Ohio State, check out my blog http://thatmedstudentlife.com/ when you have time! Thanks!! --Seema

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    2. Thanks Seema! Your blog is awesome and full of yummy recipes. Thanks for reading and best of luck with third year!

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