Tuesday, January 12, 2016

The terrible, awful, no good very bad day Martini

Kidneys got you down? 8am quizzes working your last nerve? Then grab a glass and shake up a terrible, awful, no good very bad day martini. Guaranteed to brighten up this day or any day.

1.     Cover your kitchen counter with lecture notes, douse in vodka and light on fire (that’s not actually part of the drink, that was just me).
2.     While that’s burning, take a martini glass and coat edges with chocolate syrup. Pour some chocolate syrup in your mouth and then swig some milk, shake your head back and forth and swallow.
3.     Take a cup of ice and mix with whatever half empty bottle of adult beverage you have on hand, add a shot of cherry Nyquil.
4.     Shake martini in shaker while dancing to and singing Shake it Off.
5.     Add 5ml grenadine, 135-145mmol of salt from your tears.
6.     Squeeze in a lime of regret and 6 calcium oxalate crystals.
7.     Say, “Shaken not stirred” in your best James Bond voice and then spend 2 hours watching youtube videos about how to tie a bowtie.
8.     Pour mixture into chocolate coated martini glass, garnish with a Benadryl
9.     Drag yourself to bed, beverage in hand, cause this day needs to be over.